Overcoming shyness on a date: tips for introverts
By Frédéric Cornet, last updated on November 17, 2023
Dating can be a challenge, especially for introverts. And yes, online dating is relatively easy thanks to the distance, but the arrival of the first date can be a mixture of excitement, but also great stress.
A guide produced in collaboration with French psychologist Viviane Hähne and Tinder provides dating tips for overcoming shyness on a date.
Introverts are more transparent and take more time
This study reveals a surprising fact: introverts, far from remaining in the shadows, stand out for their transparency on their profiles.
Interestingly, the term “introvert” is used more than “extrovert” in bios on Tinder.
According to psychologist Viviane Hähne, introverts feel that their introversion is often overlooked. By sharing it in their bio, they seek to be better understood and avoid misunderstandings, as introversion can sometimes be perceived as aloofness or arrogance.
Introverted Tinder members seem less eager to define their relationship goals and prefer to take their time getting to know someone. They are not quick to reveal personal information.
After making contact, introverts on Tinder tend to favor long, written conversations. They are 24% more likely to send long messages than extroverts, seeing this as a way of getting to know someone better before meeting in person.
5 tips for introverts from Viviane Hähne
- Be yourself: don’t try to invent a personality to please. Social networks often make us believe that we have to live perfect, Instagram-worthy lives. In reality, it’s important to be yourself. The right person will appreciate you for who you really are.
- Make your tastes clear: if you’re not comfortable with a proposal, for example, a big event for a first date, when you’d prefer a more intimate setting, say so. It’s important to communicate your likes and dislikes right from the start.
- Prepare interesting questions: if you’re concerned about topics of conversation, think of some open-ended questions to ask on your date. These questions allow you to get to know the other person better and deepen the discussion.
- Avoid canceling last-minute appointments: canceling at the last minute can be interpreted in psychology as “avoidance behavior” and can reinforce insecurity. Even if it takes effort, it’s beneficial to get out of your comfort zone and face up to your fears. The key is practice.
- Analyze your past experiences: think about the dates that went well and why. Identify the factors that made these encounters enjoyable. Was it the location, the activity, a particular subject? Use this information to improve your next appointments.
Bonus tip from Viviane Hähne:
Create a ritual before every appointment. Rituals can have a positive effect on our well-being and help us feel more secure. Whether it’s taking a relaxing shower, listening to a motivating song or calling a friend, find what works for you to relax and release your nervousness before an appointment.
About the author
Just a French guy, living in the USA, with a degree in psychology and an interest in sociology. I give you my tips for dating. Available in the comments to answer your questions.